It’s the last tournament of the summer. Your kid just struck out looking in their final at-bat. The cooler is empty. The sunscreen’s lost all hope. And the group text is buzzing with “Great season, y’all!”

But let’s be honest — there’s what we say, and then there’s what we mean.

Here’s your brutally honest, slightly passive-aggressive guide to decoding baseball parent lingo at the end of a long select season:

🎭 “Great season, coach!”

What we mean: “Please don’t draft us next year. I can’t do another three months of 8:00 a.m. ‘mandatory’ warmups.”

🤝 “Love this group of families!”

What we mean: “If I never have to small talk with ‘Sunscreen Karen’ again, it’ll be too soon.”

🫡 “Our kid learned a lot this year.”

What we mean: “Mostly how to sit on the bench and watch someone else play shortstop.”

👏 “You guys were such great competition!”

What we mean: “You beat us by 12 and your parents are psychos.”

🧃 “Let’s keep in touch!”

What we mean: “I’m leaving this GroupMe in 3…2…1…”

🧳 “We’re taking a break in the fall.”

What we mean: “We’re trying out for three different teams behind your back. Peace.”

🧘 “We’re just focused on development.”

What we mean: “My kid didn’t get enough playing time and now we’re joining the travel version of the Avengers.”

🫂 “Let us know if you ever need anything.”

What we mean: “Unless it’s snacks, rides, or Venmo. We’re emotionally unavailable until spring.”

🏁 “Proud of all the boys this year.”

What we mean: “Except that one kid who kept throwing to the wrong base and ruined three games.”

🎒 “This team felt like family.”

What we mean: “…a family that low-key judged our kid, our snacks, our marriage, and our exit strategy.”

✨ Bonus Round: What the Kids Say vs. Mean

• “Yeah, it was fun.”
  = “I’m never hitting off a tee again in my life.”

• “Coach was cool.”
  = “Coach was terrifying but my dad liked him so I had to say that.”

• “I want to come back next year.”
  = “Unless I get a better offer. Loyalty is a myth in youth sports.”

Final Thoughts (But Like, For Real)

End-of-season parent talk is a delicate art form — a mix of politeness, pride, and low-key trauma. Whether you’re sticking with your squad or ghosting the group chat, remember:

You did it. You survived summer select baseball.

Treat yourself to a snow cone, delete the GameChanger app, and enjoy three weeks of peace before tryout season starts again.